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Childhood Lies
by Noel Swanson
http://www.good-child-guide.com
Unfortunately, even though adults hate lying, they often set
up their children to do just that. Here's a look at how:
Greg's mother just found out that Greg was throwing rocks at
somebody:
"Greg, what have you been doing this afternoon?" [Right, I'm
going to confess to something that you don't know.]
"Like what? I haven't been doing anything", he says
innocently and looked a bit confused.
"Did you throw rocks at the new girl?" [Maybe I can still
get away with it]
"No.", he answers, startled that you could think such a
thing of him.
"Well Mavis says you did."
"It was some other kid. I wouldn't do that." [She'll believe
me over some nosy neighbour!]
"She is convinced she saw you doing it."
"She's crazy, it wasn't me!"
During the first exchange, Mum is tempting Greg to lie, and
when he does she has him cornered. Now it's showdown time.
Does she have total confidence in Mavis? Now Mum is having
some doubts and doesn't quite know how to proceed. Greg is
being insistent, so maybe it was another kid. If she chooses
to believe him, she'll have to apologize for not believing
him in the beginning. If she doesn't believe him, she will
have two strikes against him; lying and throwing rocks.
Just about any child will lie to avoid getting into trouble
with an authority figure. As a parent, you need to be the
one to encourage honesty and truth. Part of doing this is to
let him know the benefits of truth-telling. Lay a strong
foundation of truth and honesty in your family. Don't ever
lie yourself. Start looking for honesty and truthfulness.
Keep talking about the importance of building a solid
reputation. Also, notice and reward your child when he is
honest. Continue to show that honesty is a Good Thing, and
will reap rewards.
The next time you suspect your child of something, remain
calm.
If you know what they have done, do not ask them, "Did you
do it?" Why tempt them? Tell them what you know, and dish
out the consequences.
Here is a way to have them tell the truth more easily:
"Greg, Mavis has told me about something she saw this
afternoon. I would like to know what happened. But before
you tell me, I want you to go away and think about it for 15
minutes. And remember, we value honesty in this household."
This will give Greg a chance to think things over. He can
dig a bigger hole for himself, or he can be honest and face
the consequences. If he tells you the truth, praise him for
his honesty. If he chooses to lie, even after thinking about
it, then you must double his punishment. He has now both
lied and thrown stones at someone, and there are
consequences for both.
Either way, once things have calmed down, talk about the
feelings of anger, envy, or insecurity that may have led to
the behaviours. Show that it is okay to have such feelings,
but that feelings don't excuse bad behaviour. Be patient.
Tthey won't talk until they know it is safe and that you
won't "blow up" at what they say.
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